mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
