just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
