You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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