I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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