Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I love you. Go after that dick
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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