Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
