Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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