who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
