so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
