I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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