This is not my ceiling
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
