he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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