Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
