I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
