Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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