I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
