my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
