She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
