Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
