Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
