How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
