I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize