Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
