what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I need to sanitize my soul.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
