she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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