I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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