You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
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he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
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Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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