i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
