Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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