Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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