Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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