At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
