Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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