No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
