i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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