Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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