why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sorry about my life...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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