A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
