Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
