I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
