You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
