So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
