I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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