peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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