You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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