I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
