You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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