she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize