Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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