How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
