OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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