just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
