their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
