your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
