Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
