don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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