yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
