She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
