It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
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She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
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I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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