so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
