I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like heaven, but drunker
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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