Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i think my mom watched the whole time
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
