So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
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If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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